Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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