So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
