Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
