Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
