apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
