That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
