Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
