Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize