if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
