My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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