best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
