My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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