I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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