don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
