I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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