I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
