3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize