Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
