If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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