Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
