i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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