Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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