Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
