Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
