why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
