Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
