I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
