I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
