i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
