i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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