3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
