Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
