Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
