We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
