i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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