haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
