Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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