He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
