I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
