fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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