umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
