well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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