Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
