The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
