I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
