last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
