Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
