is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
