i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize