Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
