I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
