All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
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He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize