for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
