ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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