I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i already hear my dad disowning me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Terrible idea I love it
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
