Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
