Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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