It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
