:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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