you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
so much tequila, so little girl.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
