Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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