im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
