I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
