I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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