Why is your signature on my underwear?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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