I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
