if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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